hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
