I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
