You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
