Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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