Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
