I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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