nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
