i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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