tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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