By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
