I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
