who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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