While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
