Im at strip club and am horny
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
