I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
