are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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