i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
