take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
