Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
