After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
