WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
They took my balls.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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