My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
