Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm passing your future prison.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
vagina is talking i cant
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
