nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
