I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
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