Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
