You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
