I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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