saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
