this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
my liver is dry heaving
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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