just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I wish they made helmets for livers.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
