You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
