All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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