If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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