Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
