i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Ketchup is God's man juice
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
