I accidentally burped into my bong.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
