you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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