people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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