just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
