I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
