Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
