You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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