My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
