bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
