i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
