I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
