Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
