Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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