she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
